Published in Slackjaw·PinnedMember-onlyI’m An Introverted ExtrovertYou’ve never met someone quite like me. — I’m an introverted extrovert. Sometimes I like to be alone, and sometimes I like to be around other people. I’m a little bit different. I defy logic. I’m a living-breathing subversion. I’m strange. After a long day at work, I’ll go home and watch television with my cat. Other times…Satire2 min readSatire2 min read
Published in Slackjaw·3 days agoMember-onlyThe Gap On Resume Is The Result Of A Groundhog’s Day Type SituationSo for all of the reasons outlined, I believe that I am an excellent candidate for the social media position at your company. Ahh yes, the gap in my resume. I expected this to come up, naturally. And while it’s a bit difficult to explain, I’ll do my absolute best…Humor4 min readHumor4 min read
Published in Slackjaw·Jan 16Member-onlyIt’s Me, Bob Seger, And I Swear To God This Is Probably Going To Be My Final TourYou always won every time you placed a bet! Hey gang, famed performer and musician Bob Seger here to announce that tickets are now on sale for what will be my final tour. At almost 78-years-young, I feel that it’s high-time I leave the tour-circuit behind. That means no more…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published in Slackjaw·Jan 9Member-onlyIntroducing DaveAir, The Airline Specifically For DaveIt’s no secret that with each passing year the price of airfare goes up while the overall quality of the flying experience goes down. Long gone are the days of ample legroom, comfortable seating, and tasty cuisine for those traversing the skies. Nowadays, airlines are committed to giving you the…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published in Slackjaw·Dec 20, 2022Member-onlyTeach a Man to Fish and He’ll Have Other Shit to DoHi there! I couldn’t help but notice that you were selling fish, which works out well for me because I just so happen to be hungry for seafood. How much for a piece of that delectable filet you’re so masterfully grilling on this quaint seaside beach? I see you caught…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published in Slackjaw·Dec 12, 2022Member-onlyIntroducing Only Friends™Loose Acquaintance Level — $5 a month I’ll nod and smile when I see you I’ll make roughly 10 seconds of small talk whenever we cross paths, asking you one vague question about yourself and allowing you one equally vague answer I’ll shake your hand, but will not hug you I’ll give you okay, but not great…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published in Slackjaw·Dec 5, 2022Member-onlyOur Dogs Should DateHello there neighbor! I’m pleased to welcome you to the subdivision. I hope your move has been a smooth one and that you’re settling in nicely. It’s quiet around here, but we look out for and take care of one another. I think you’ll be happy. Speaking of happiness, who…Humor4 min readHumor4 min read
Published in Slackjaw·Nov 28, 2022Member-onlyCan We Do Karaoke This Weekend?Hey Keith! I’m reaching out as it’s been a while since our last hang sesh and I thought maybe we could get together. I think we can both agree it’s been way too long! I remember last time we spoke you mentioned that it might be fun to grab some…Humor4 min readHumor4 min read
Published in Slackjaw·Nov 21, 2022Member-onlyI’m A Doctor, But I’m Also An AssholeI’m a doctor, but I’m also an asshole. I’ll save your life, but then I’ll make you feel stupid for needing your life saved in the first place. I’m a messiah. I’m a marvel of the modern world. I’m a medical magician and my great trick is keeping you the…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published in Slackjaw·Nov 14, 2022Member-onlyExquisite Pairings Of Soups With Classic Works Of ArtChicken Noodle Soup & Edward Hopper’s Nighthawks It’s comfort food meets comfort art. Two bonafide classics on their own, chicken noodle and Nighthawks — when brought together — result in a truly magical pairing. Hopper’s famed work has never yielded more room for interpretation than when a sizable bowl of chicken noodle has been hurled at the…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
