Published inSlackjaw·PinnedMember-onlyI’m An Introverted ExtrovertYou’ve never met someone quite like me. — I’m an introverted extrovert. Sometimes I like to be alone, and sometimes I like to be around other people. I’m a little bit different. I defy logic. I’m a living-breathing subversion. I’m strange. After a long day at work, I’ll go home and watch television with my cat. Other times…Satire2 min readSatire2 min read
Published inSlackjaw·6 days agoMember-onlyIntroducing The Beta Barber: A Male Grooming Tool For Passive MenNowadays, men’s grooming products seem to only cater to a certain type of fella. You know, the type of guy we’re talking about. He personalizes his car license plates, plays in multiple softball leagues, and really-really hopes you don’t go back and read any of his tweets from 2011. And…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published inSlackjaw·May 15Member-onlyTo Show You How Much I Love You, I Got You This Big-Ass CandleMy Darling. My Sweetness. Mi Amor. If my love for you were a tower, it would be the CN in Toronto. If my adulation for you were a famous large canyon, it would be Bryce. And if my tenderness for you were a famous Florida theme park, it would be…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published inSlackjaw·May 5Member-onlyPost Writer’s Strike Improvised Television ShowsSuccession Kendall, Roman, Shiv, and Connor Roy stand together in an impossibly nice New York City penthouse. The mood is tense, but also weirdly flirty. Roman Roy: Fuckedy Fuck Fuck! Kendall Roy: We need to increase verticals on this deal. Roman Roy: Sure, Ken. Lets ahh, I don’t fucking know. …Humor2 min readHumor2 min read
Published inSlackjaw·Apr 25Member-onlyDating Rules For MidwesternersArrive At Your Date A Hour Early Just To Be Safe Even if you’ve been to the meeting place before, it’s a good idea to scope things out in case the parking situation or layout of the place has changed. You’re not looking to impress a date with your ability…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published inSlackjaw·Mar 27Member-onlyI Could Never Leave The Midwest Because I Love The Seasons Too Much (And Because I Have An Ankle Monitor)Having spent the entirety of my life living in the midwest, I’m often asked by friends, family, and loose acquaintances if I would ever consider leaving. To this I always smile and shake my head. I’m sure that perpetual sunshine and fresh squeezed orange juice make Florida a lovely place…Humor4 min readHumor4 min read
Published inSlackjaw·Mar 22Member-only5 Fun Facts You Probably Didn’t Know About Your Passive-Aggressive Friend, KeithKeith Does Not Like Doing Your Dishes Wow! This fun fact probably caught you by surprise! I bet you thought you knew everything about your old friend Keith, especially since you shared an apartment with him for two years in college. Although Keith used to repeatedly say that he “doesn’t mind doing the dishes” and that it’s…Humor4 min readHumor4 min read
Published inSlackjaw·Mar 7Member-onlyIn Honor Of My 33rd Birthday, Here Are Some Similarities Between Me and JesusJesus died at 33. Of course, that number only is relevant if you believe he ever existed. When I tell people that I, myself, am on the precipice of my 33rd birthday, Jesus’ name continues to come up in conversation. …Humor4 min readHumor4 min read
Published inSlackjaw·Feb 27Member-onlyI’ve Been Sitting Next to You While You Have a Virtual Meeting at Starbucks and I Have Some Ideas for Your BusinessExcuse me, this is Keith. Thomas just stepped away from his laptop to use the restroom in this crowded Starbucks. No, you don’t know me, but I couldn’t help but overhear one side of your meeting. I was also able to oversee your slide deck in the reflection of the…Humor4 min readHumor4 min read
Published inSlackjaw·Feb 20Member-onlyI’ll Bring The Plates & NapkinsTo AubreyJoe20@gmail.com Re: Family Dinner with Brian Hey sis! Appreciate the invitation for dinner and look forward to meeting your new beau, Brian. I know you’d mentioned in your initial email that I didn’t need to bring anything. But that just doesn’t feel right. With you going through all of…Humor4 min readHumor4 min read
