Member-only story
Please Read This So That Medium Will Pay Me Lots Of Money
Like many of you, I would like to have more money. Why exactly? Well, that’s not really any of your business. But, ahh, let’s just say jacuzzis aren’t as cheap as they used to be, friend.
Historically, I have worked hard to craft compelling and (often) sidesplittingly humorous pieces for this platform. Some have been well received and garnered attention, but the most I’ve ever walked away with is $30.
Not this time!
I’m going to write something extremely self-serving and completely devoid of any merit in an attempt to milk this Medium cash cow for all she’s worth.
I would like to be paid $1,000 for this piece. Here’s how you can help:
Take your time reading this article
Okay, so I don’t actually care how long you spend reading the article per se, but go ahead and keep this page open while you bathe your child, watch Oliver Stone’s JFK, go to Panera, ride your bike, read the new Franzen, etc.
Medium member reading time, as far as I can tell, directly correlates to what a writer earns on a piece, so I encourage you to really take your time soaking this in.
Once you’ve read it all the way through, go back and read it again for all of the hidden easter eggs that I’ve…
