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As A Historian I’m Here To Tell You That History Is Not Always Written By The Victors
History is written by the victors.
It’s an adage as old as time. Undoubtedly you’ve heard it uttered by some bitter high school Civics teacher, a basement dweller on a Conservative message board, or your little brother when he beats you at trivial pursuit and smugly makes you pick up the pieces. But as a full-time historian who has written a number of history-related books, case studies, and research papers, I’m here to tell you that, in fact, history is mostly written by absolute losers.
Let us start with the History department chair here at Cornell: Dr. James C. Witherspoon. Ever an accomplished man, Dr. Witherspoon has been triumphantly heading the department for nigh on a decade. In fact, throughout his illustrious 30+ career — he’s experienced nothing but success. And yet, despite all he’s achieved, his wife has been cheating on him with his van-dwelling brother Ray for over a decade! And what’s worse, Witherspoon is aware of the illicit tryst but refuses to acknowledge it. Getting cucked by your unemployed younger brother, while his van is permanently parked in the driveway of your brownstone isn’t exactly my idea of a winner. Dr James C. Witherspoon, rockstar of Eastern European studies and all-around academic heavy hitter, may someday have a building named after him…
