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Franzen on Franzia

Acclaimed author Jonathan Franzen blends high and low culture with this monthly podcast wherein he reviews boxed wines. Worth a listen? Wine not?

Talking Seachests with Ryan Seacrest

Hollywood personality and red-carpet extraordinaire, Ryan Seacrest dives deep into pirate lore and buried treasure on this, sometimes, educational podcast.

The Gene Hackman Holiday Hour

Famed actor, and novelist, Gene Hackman knows Christmas. This December only podcast details the thespian’s favorite holiday cookies, the season’s hottest toys, and the implications of listening to Bing Crosby.

Home Alone with Karl Malone

NBA Legend Karl Malone provides an in-depth analysis of all of Kevin McCallister’s pratfalls and pranks from the Home Alone films. It’s a podcast that the French wouldn’t dare call “les incompetents” because it’s too good! …

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Photo by Vasily Koloda on Unsplash

Dan Stacy? I think he’s in my AP bio class.

Dan Stacy? Isn’t that the guy who built the robot that could read the PA announcements?

Dan Stacy? Didn’t he win some big award for debate or something?

Yes, yes, and yes, Michelle. I did all those damn things and then some. I’ve been quietly dominating this school for the past four years, showing absolutely no mercy, academically speaking, all while balancing extracurriculars and remaining dedicated to our community at large. Is 2,000 hours of community service a lot? Eat your heart out, Malcolm Gladwell.

Tomorrow is the culmination of my storied high school career and I intend to go out with 10 octaves and a couple of high fives. You see, while there has been no shortage of scholastic triumphs over the past four years, my social life has left something to be desired. No offense, Laurie. So when it comes time to give my graduation commencement speech tomorrow, I, Daniel Phillip Stacy, am going to leave it all on the table. Hey, I guess he was pretty cool after all. Damn, Dan Stacy can get it. Funniest speech ever. Right on all three counts, Tiffany. So with the vim and vigor I might typically attack a fundraising event for the swim team or an all night cram sesh on Candide, I’m going to straight up own this speech. …

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Photo by Karen Zhang on Unsplash

Grandpa’s death last year left us all feeling quite sad. While not without his faults, he was a kind man who loved his family very much. After his wake, members of the family were tasked with going through the contents of his home; sifting through the memorabilia of a life lived, deciding what to keep, what to toss, what to sell, and so on and so forth. In his later years, Grandpa had taken on a hoarder’s persona; entire drawers were dedicated to coupon books for low-level restaurants like Ponderosa Steak House and Old Country Buffet and in his closet, there were 11 (somehow different) denim vests. …

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Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

Of the many scandals and abuses to come out of the Trump administration, the one that has received the least attention is the administration’s hijacking of the common red baseball cap. In co-opting these hats and cheaply stitching their foolish mantra above the bill, Trump and his band of criminals have effectively ruined my life.

The year was 2015 and the place was a Kohl’s near the expressway. I wasn’t looking for love. I wasn’t looking for much of anything at all, just a way to pass the time. As I aimlessly walked the aisles, passing mom sweaters and discounted sneakers, something caught the corner of my eye. Haphazardly sitting on a table marked “Clearance,” amongst shoelaces and returned hoodies, there it was…beckoning me. As I plucked it off the table, wiping the dust and ground debris off and placed it on my head, I knew I’d found the red hat that was going to change my life. Turning toward the mirror, I was almost frightened by how natural it looked atop my head. Speeding to the register, I felt right for the first time in a long time. An infant waved at me, a beautiful woman smiled, a teenager wanted me to pound fists. …

  1. “I’m not known for my compassion.”
  2. “It’s not that I dislike you, I just don’t like you near me.”
  3. “Life is wasted on people.”
  4. “The meek shall inherit squat.”
  5. “I…

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Photo by Will Francis on Unsplash

Step One: Find your topic

While the podcasting market has become somewhat diluted at this point, don’t let that intimidate you. Even if there is a successful podcast out there that worked hard to hone the craft and organically grow an audience over many years, odds are you could do a better job than them. Enjoy cheesy movies? Sure, there are a lot of other bad movie podcasts out there, but how many of those podcasters’ dads went to Stanford with Roger Corman? Want to talk about true crime, but are worried about the stiff competition? Don’t be! Your cousin married into the family of former New York City Mayor Abraham Beame, remember? …

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Pietro Luca Cassarino, 2 September 2019

I’m not even sure how it happened, really. One day, I’m beating the crap out of my brother Tim in our basement and the next day he’s like some freakin’ sex symbol. What’s worse is that it’s not even just girls our age who think he’s hot: it’s everyone. I was getting a Gatorade from a bodega last week and I overheard this lady talking about Little Women (which he’s like, sixth billed in, by way) and how “beautiful and striking” Tim was. A 70-year-old woman said that! Growing up, girls liked me way more than they liked Tim. I took two girls to prom; in the end, they found out about each other and left, but still, that’s more dates than most people have. It’s definitely more dates than Tim had. Tim skipped out on prom and volunteered at a local convalescent home instead. Then after he was done, he showed up to the prom to help clean up. Everyone thought it was so great. …

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Photo by Krists Luhaers on Unsplash

Was the film plotless, meandering, and shot in black and white?

If yes, you liked this film.

If not, you disliked this film.

Was Paddington Bear in this film?

If yes, this was one of the best films of the year.

If not, this film was fine, but would have been better had Paddington Bear somehow been involved.

Was this film released by A24?

If yes, this film will definitely crack your yearly top ten list.

If not, this film is not worth watching.

Did this film involve someone who has been canceled on Twitter?

If yes, you absolutely hated everything about this film.

If not, you might have liked this film.

If the canceled party worked behind the scenes and was not prominently featured, defer to New York Times critic Manohla Dargis on how to proceed. …


Adam Dietz

Adam Dietz is a writer the host of the podcast "Home Impodcast." His work has been featured in McSweeney's, Slackjaw, and The Weekly Humorist.

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