Call me Ishmael. Not Ishy, Ishman, Ishtar, or Whale Boy.

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Photo by Michael Blum on Unsplash

Call me Ishmael. Not Ishy, Ishman, Ishtar, or Whale Boy. I hate Whale Boy. It’s such an oversimplification of the whole thing. Captain Ahab always tried to pull that shit and I was like, man, do you think it would be hard for me to come up with a nickname for you? Besides, if anyone was Whale Boy, it was him. He was way more obsessed with finding the whale than I was. “He’s Moby Dick. He’s my white whale. I must find him.” Yeah, okay, man. That whale has literally no idea who you are. It’s not personal, you…

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Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Much like Gatsby’s Nick Carraway, in my younger and more vulnerable years, I, too, was given advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since. Dress for the job you want, not the job you have, boring middle-aged white guys used to say to me. While at the time I wasn’t entirely aware of the advantages bestowed upon these men i.e. going to college for the price of a gallon of milk and the promise of cushy retirement pensions once they turned 60, I took their advice seriously as I matured and did my best to put it…

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Photo by ConvertKit on Unsplash

Franzen on Franzia

Acclaimed author Jonathan Franzen blends high and low culture with this monthly podcast wherein he reviews boxed wines. Worth a listen? Wine not?

Talking Seachests with Ryan Seacrest

Hollywood personality and red-carpet extraordinaire, Ryan Seacrest dives deep into pirate lore and buried treasure on this, sometimes, educational podcast.

The Gene Hackman Holiday Hour

Famed actor, and novelist, Gene Hackman knows Christmas. This December only podcast details the thespian’s favorite holiday cookies, the season’s hottest toys, and the implications of listening to Bing Crosby.

Home Alone with Karl Malone

NBA Legend Karl Malone provides an in-depth analysis of…

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Photo by Vasily Koloda on Unsplash

Dan Stacy? I think he’s in my AP bio class.

Dan Stacy? Isn’t that the guy who built the robot that could read the PA announcements?

Dan Stacy? Didn’t he win some big award for debate or something?

Yes, yes, and yes, Michelle. I did all those damn things and then some. I’ve been quietly dominating this school for the past four years, showing absolutely no mercy, academically speaking, all while balancing extracurriculars and remaining dedicated to our community at large. Is 2,000 hours of community service a lot? Eat your heart out, Malcolm Gladwell.

Tomorrow is the culmination of…

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Photo by Karen Zhang on Unsplash

Grandpa’s death last year left us all feeling quite sad. While not without his faults, he was a kind man who loved his family very much. After his wake, members of the family were tasked with going through the contents of his home; sifting through the memorabilia of a life lived, deciding what to keep, what to toss, what to sell, and so on and so forth. In his later years, Grandpa had taken on a hoarder’s persona; entire drawers were dedicated to coupon books for low-level restaurants like Ponderosa Steak House and Old Country Buffet and in his closet…

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Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

Of the many scandals and abuses to come out of the Trump administration, the one that has received the least attention is the administration’s hijacking of the common red baseball cap. In co-opting these hats and cheaply stitching their foolish mantra above the bill, Trump and his band of criminals have effectively ruined my life.

The year was 2015 and the place was a Kohl’s near the expressway. I wasn’t looking for love. I wasn’t looking for much of anything at all, just a way to pass the time. As I aimlessly walked the aisles, passing mom sweaters and discounted…

  1. “I’m not known for my compassion.”
  2. “It’s not that I dislike you, I just don’t like you near me.”
  3. “Life is wasted on people.”
  4. “The meek shall inherit squat.”
  5. “I…

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Photo by Will Francis on Unsplash

Step One: Find your topic

While the podcasting market has become somewhat diluted at this point, don’t let that intimidate you. Even if there is a successful podcast out there that worked hard to hone the craft and organically grow an audience over many years, odds are you could do a better job than them. Enjoy cheesy movies? Sure, there are a lot of other bad movie podcasts out there, but how many of those podcasters’ dads went to Stanford with Roger Corman? Want to talk about true crime, but are worried about the stiff competition? Don’t be! Your cousin…

Adam Dietz

Adam Dietz is a writer the host of the podcast "Home Impodcast." His work has been featured in McSweeney's, Slackjaw, and The Weekly Humorist.

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